I were a little afeared o' watching Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol, because o' me bad experiences wi' ghosts. You landlubbers likes to think that ghosts is jist a pleasant superstition, but we what's been asea fer months and years on end know that they's real. And they ain't pleasant. I were once haunted by an unspeakable succubus the likes o' which no man should ever encounter. Ooo, I cannae stand a succubus. So, me went to the Ghost Protocol wi' a bit o' trepidation, and what a relief 'twere to find that there was nary a ghost in the whole movie. I still nay knows what the title meant. I reckon they cost theirselves at least 100 million in ticket sales by scarin' less 'earty souls away by the title. Tom Cruise has a new team what's been discredited and accused o' blowin' up the Kremlin. So he have to prove his innocence all the while savin' the world. Plenty o' thrills and chills and clever hijinks atop the world's tallest building in Dubai and a parkin' garage in China or somewhere. That Tom sure can fall a long way without hurtin' hisself. Maybe one o' the ghosts broke his fall. Me parrot lifts her mighty claws up for everything abou' this movie excep'n the title.
Me took me weeest wench to Tin Tin, which ere based on the Belgian comic books o' yesteryear. If ye ask anyone wha' the Belgians has given to the world, they'd likely tell ye' French Fries and Tin Tin. He be that big everywhere but in my home port o' America, where we keep wonderin' when the big German Shepherd is gonna come in and save the day. Turns out, there's no German Shepherd at all. Tin Tin is one o' them newfangled cartoons what looks real, except that it be a cartoon. One o' me older wenches read all the Tin Tin books in days o' yore, so me already had a warm spot. All in all, 'tis an enjoyable adventure on the high seas with a drunken cap'n, so it warmed me black 'eart right from the get-go. And me loved the twin policemen Thompson and Thompson. 'Oo doesnae love a good Thompson? Or even a mediocre Thompson, let alone two identical Thompsons. 'Twas a unexpected bonus. Aye raise me eyepatch to Tin Tin fer wholesome good times in a world o' filth and despair.
And now fer an unexpected bit 'o fluffy goodness from yer Cap'n, me presents to ye We Done Bought a Zoo. In this one, Jason Bourne regains 'is memory and realizes he be a widowed reporter with a cute wee daughter an' a troubled teenage boy what draws disturbin' pictures about decapitations and such (I's nay sure what be so disturbin' about that, but apparently in "polite" society, it brands ye a troublemaker). So to start a new life, he up and buys an old zoo what's most prized creature be Scarlett Johansson. He learns fro' the animals, they learns fro' he, and they all learns fro' Scarlett the meanin' o' life and love and the importance o' somethin' or other. Me prides meself on 'avin' a stoic bearing, but there were times when I hae a lump in me throat the size o' Gibraltar, and when I lifted me eyepatch to itch me empty socket, about a cup o' tears fell from the void. We Done Bought a Zoo deserves all me remainin' digits up. 'Tis a goodie.
Finally, me'd be remiss if I failed to mention the best show on the wee screen these days, what's knowed as Downton Abbey. And I nay say it just because it share a name wi' the ship's mangy cur. If ye loves a good British period drama (and who dinnae?), then ye really must rent or Netflick the first season's four episodes. Then start a-watchin' the new season on PBS. Me's told you can catch up on the ones ye missed online somewheres, but don't keep watchin' the whole thing, or 'twill spoil the flow.
And thus ends another voyage fer yer Cap'n. Till next time (and me 'opes it nary be another year), be seaworthy.
